I can definitely say I haven't mastered my new schedule. All summer it was busy, busy, busy with teaching and vacations and First Fridays down at the studio. After all of that, it seems like I can't focus long enough to pick up a paintbrush. (Yes, I recently made eight million (or so) coffee mug paintings, but that's not REALLY what I'm supposed to be working on. Oh yes, class proposals, I hear you over there taunting me.)
So if I let some of the thoughts in my head fly out, they go like this:
[ A BIG DISCLAIMER BEFORE YOU READ THIS - I'm really not looking for you to answer these questions... Truly these are things I have to answer for myself. These are just the kind of annoying, buzzing thoughts that go around in my head while I'm trying to figure out what direction I'm headed in. Which I am sure is NORMAL. I'm publishing them here because it usually helps me to write down/purge all the junk out of my head so I can KEEP MOVING FORWARD. ]
- When I originally proposed to teach for Artfest, I really, really hoped I'd get in. I was beyond thrilled when I did. What I didn't expect was for the "yes" answers to keep coming from other retreats. All of those "yes" answers have pushed my life out of its comfort zone which has both delighted me and stretched me this year. I have met my people, my tribe of fellow creatives.
- I didn't make it into Artfest for 2012. I can't help but wonder if I am really good enough for this teaching thing or were those projects just not my best work? (Mostly I sit on the side of those projects not being my best work... but the lack of confidence demons love to rear their ugly heads when I'm not moving forward.)
- I decided not to propose for Art Unraveled 2012. Did I do the right thing? What if they don't have me back? [Note to self: make freaking awesome proposals so they do.]
- Running around the country from April to September put a decent amount of strain on my family life. Is it worth it? Will removing a few events make things better?
- I've said yes too much. Some of that is because I didn't really know what I was saying yes to. Some is because I have a fear that if I say no for now, that's no forever. Some of my yesses have been for family time/vacations which is good, but it also has "stolen" my art time and kept me from feeling like I am on some sort of regular schedule.
I guess overall, I'm pretty far out of my comfort zone. All of the patterns I've set for myself over the last few years have been knocked askew. I know that after some time, I'll get the hang of this. I'm just having a little trouble being patient in the meantime.
My new mantra: KEEP MOVING FORWARD! KEEP MOVING FORWARD! KEEP MOVING FORWARD!